"Stupid!"
"Stupid!"
"Stupid!"
"I can't believe I am so stupid!"
   A woman in a retail store stands berating herself over and over, after dropping an armful of hung-clothing, calling herself "stupid". She follows this monologue up with a couple of short slaps to her forehead as she picks up the garments, again muttering the word in frustration.
   Her young toddler daughter sits in the shopping cart observing her mother. "Stupid," she repeats.
   What kind of an impression are you giving the little girls in your life? How do you speak to yourself in challenging situations? What kind of words do you use in your own monologues?
   While most of us hear about and believe in the importance of having others respect us, are we truly respecting ourselves?
   Wondering where this cycle starts or who to blame for our own situation is like asking about the chicken or the egg. Each one of our circumstances is going to be unique. Overall, I believe it is more beneficial to address the issue and focus on improving that which is within your control first. And for the record, the only one in charge of and in control of your thoughts is you.
    I believe that before we can expect someone else to respect us, we must first be able to respect ourselves. After all, if you allow yourself to think and speak negatively about yourself, isn't it going to be more difficult to believe anything kind from someone else?

Pay attention to your thoughts 

   An exercise you can try is consciously paying attention to how you think to yourself for the next couple of days. Do you use negative words like 'stupid', 'ugly', 'fat', 'idiot'? Do you ask questions wondering why you aren't 'better', 'smarter', 'prettier', 'more (insert your own word here)'? Take note of how many times during the day you say something nice to yourself vs. how much you criticize yourself. You may be surprised.
    Even if you feel you are a confident and emotionally positive woman, I bet there are still times when your monologue could greatly improve. Think about this for yourself, make a list of examples, write down the first three things that come to mind about how you can speak to yourself better.
   We all make mistakes and have regular moments when things don't quite go our way. This is life. You are not a freak and nothing is "wrong" with you, so instead of getting down on yourself about it, try to focus on the good things you've accomplished today.
   Changing your monologue (and subsequently your dialogue with others) doesn't necessarily happen overnight. This is a process that involves focus and dedication, but the results are well worth it. Wouldn't you like to think better about yourself? How would you like to be a more positive role model to the young ladies you know?
   Also, when we are more positive within our own thoughts, it is less likely that we will believe a negative comment about ourselves from someone else. You build your own truth and once that foundation is established, it is unbreakable. Similarly, positive thought-building is also often part of the process that abuse survivors and emotionally scarred women use to be able to help heal themselves from trauma and stress.

Moving meditation

   A proven technique for improving focus and shifting the mind in a positive direction is with moving meditation. As someone who has undergone extreme emotional and mental stress, I know this technique works.
    While stationary meditation (sitting still) has it's applications, moving meditation integrates your whole system - mind, body and emotions - to actively and consciously work together toward your chosen goals. You can think of it as applying ancient techniques in your modern life and using these methods even in the practical things you do, like going to the grocery store and spending time with your kids.
   You have to live with yourself and your thoughts every day - why not take some time to spruce things up a bit? Do something nice for yourself - I've never heard anyone ever say they wish they could go back to their gloomier, more negative old-self. Have you?

Best wishes,
Barb Marynowski

Barbara H. Marynowski is a Senior Consultant for Internal Energy Plus and a fully certified black belt instructor through Kang Nei Chin International. She is recognized as an expert in stress management, self-care and personal empowerment. Her passion is helping women live healthier, happier lives free from stress, shame, guilt or fear and she believes everyone has the right to pursue and live a happy, healthy, safe and prosperous life. Appointments and private sessions are available by contacting her directly at RoyalDragonIEP@aol.com or 866-PLUS-4-YOU x708. Join her online daily on the Internal Energy Plus Yahoo! Group at http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/INTERNAL_ENERGY_PLUS/

Introduction
Ugly is an Attitude
New Year, New List, New YOU!
Spring Cleaning
Get Focused
Stop Wishing, Start Getting
The Words You Say
The Gift You Give Yourself
Love Yourself
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