A Time to Mourn, A Time to Heal,
A Time to Yell Louder

   Taking care of ourselves, as women, is a full-time responsibility; one that doesn't end with us individually, but that extends to our sisters, friends, children and beyond. How we behave, treat ourselves and allow others to treat us can be a powerful teacher.
Are you an inspiring role model?  The topic of violence against women and what we can do to help stop it often gets brushed over and buried by more crowd pleasing topics. I've often thought of it as an epidemic trying to scream, but unfortunately silenced and ignored by too many due to its ugliness. I believe it's time to yell louder.
    Recently, pop starlet Rihanna took over the media's attention when she chose to continue her abusive relationship with Chris Brown. The police report photos showed Rihanna beaten and bloody, but after just a short breakup, she was featured on magazine covers confessing she just "can't live without him" as rumors of a secret wedding ensued. All together this scenario was very disappointing, not just for Rihanna individually, but also to the millions of young women who look up to her and the subsequent media's lack of action to grab this opportunity and be a positive teacher; to dissect this topic in a way that is helpful and educational instead of cowardly focusing on simply boosting gossip show ratings.
   Bravo to the CBS Evening News and the handful of others for putting together a brief special. The problem, however, is that it doesn't reach the targeted demographic; how many 16 year old girls do you know who watch that program? MTV made an attempt, but focused on the history of the singers' relationship and not so much ideas for solutions to those in the viewing audience. Moreover, a show peppered in here and there isn't enough - where are the talk show queens to feature a week's worth of anti-violence programming? Especially since Rihanna has reunited with Chris and is sadly sending the message that it's okay to stay with an abusive partner.
Do we look the other way too?   Unfortunately, I feel that the media's lack of action is not all that different from many of our own. How often have we chosen to look the other way or thought it's none of our business? How many of us know a victim or survivor of violence and become uncomfortable at the mere mention of the subject? How many survivors are taking action to make a difference? We can do better.
    Teenage girls and young women who are just beginning to form their ideas and beliefs about love and relationships need stronger resources. But the reality is that many of our core understandings come from observing those around us ñ our sisters, mothers and superstars we admire. As young women if we see our mother accepting being talked down to or our favorite singer promising her love to a man who threatened her life, called her names and completely disrespected her while making her cry and bleed, we are more likely to believe that's part of being "in love" and acceptable or even normal, when it is absolutely not. And if the hot TV shows and media powers-that-be wonít be more bold and set the record straight, then it's up to us.
   I believe it is every woman's responsibility to help and inspire each other. It's never too late to make changes to live better and be a part of the solution to this heartbreaking cycle.
   If you are in an abusive relationship - seek help. If you know someone who may need help - step up. Unfortunately there is no one right answer to this, but know that you are worth a happy, healthy and safe life. Free resources are available at Life Links by visiting http://www.lifelinksiep.blogspot.com

As it appears in Living Victoriously: A Women's Guide:
"One Is One Too Many.
Statistically, one in every four women will experience sexual assault by the age of eighteen. That's 25% of the population and probably includes a woman you know - maybe even yourself.
It's time for this to stop.
Thank you for joining me in supporting women world-wide who are choosing to help themselves and support each other in an effort to end violence against women.
Together we can usher in a healthier, happier world free from fear, shame, rage, hatred, abuse, control, lies or tyranny.
It starts with you. It starts with me.
It grows and succeeds with us."

Best wishes,
Barb Marynowski

Barbara H. Marynowski is recognized as an expert in stress management, self-care and personal empowerment. Her passion is helping women live healthier, happier lives free from stress, shame, guilt or fear and she believes everyone has the right to pursue and live a happy, healthy, safe and prosperous life. Appointments and private sessions are available by contacting her directly at BarbMarynowski@aol.com and on her blog at http://www.barbaramarynowski.blogspot.com