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by Cindy La Ferle My 50-something girlfriends and I have been rehashing the tired topic of aging gracefully versus aging desperately. Even in the glossy women's magazines geared to our demographic, "mature" fashion models appear to be surgically altered or Botoxed, then dressed to look 35. The message? Aging is shameful. To be avoided at all costs. She who looks youngest wins .... And consider the dubious term, "anti-aging," which is used to market products to women as young as 30. There's even a new book out to lead us on this vengeful crusade, and the title alone -- How Not to Look Old -- makes me wince. It also makes me angry, because I believe women can look fabulous and older at the same time. I keep hoping someone will write a book that celebrates real maturity, and doesn't imply that we're in some frantic competition with our daughters, or our son's girlfriends. Like everyone else, I want to look as good (and healthy) as I can, but I have no burning desire to revisit my youth. I don't miss the insecurities or the short skirts or the go-go boots. I'm not afraid to look like a grown-up. It took a lot of serious soul-work to arrive at this place, and I wouldn't trade the confidence and wisdom I've gained for the wrinkle-free skin of my younger years. More role models Still, I think it would help if we had a few more role models like Helen Mirren, Sally Field, Maya Angelou, and Lauren Hutton -- elegant, juicy, self-assured women who are comfortable in their changing skin. Women who aren't afraid to show us how beautiful maturity can be. Lately I've noticed a few glimmers of hope. In the May 2008 issue of Ladies Home Journal, for instance, Sally Field discussed her decision to avoid plastic surgery and how that will impact her acting career. And it looks like Jamie Lee Curtis is going to break the record for scoring more magazine covers than any middle-aged actress or model over 45. In the May/June issue of AARP The Magazine, Curtis spoke frankly about her pending 50th birthday this November, reflecting on things she would or wouldn't change in her life. And more recently, in the July/August issue of More, she admits that 50 is an "F word" -- meaning "F" as in freedom. Feeling 'vibrant' "It used to mean being put out to pasture, but it's the opposite with me," Curtis told More. "I feel more vibrant; I'm more active than I've ever been." Curtis is blazing new trails for middle-aged women, and I'm glad we're hearing more from her and about her. Her campaign for aging with grace -- and gusto -- is an inspiration to smart women of all ages. Meanwhile, I'm count myself lucky to have several women friends who are at least 10 years older than I am. They're terrific role models, too, though it's not likely the media will ever discover them. I often ask for their advice, and hope to learn from their hard-earned wisdom. Now past their childrearing years, these women are finding new ways to share their gifts with the community or in their various professions. And they look gorgeous, just as they are. Not long ago, in fact, a very stylish friend in her seventies reminded me that reaching maturity doesn't have to be synonymous with looking foolish or frumpy. She hasn't had a stitch of cosmetic surgery. Her secret? Well, it's really hard to explain. It goes beyond her flair with offbeat accessories. She always aims to be her best self, a true original, and never an imitation of someone else. I admire her savoir-faire -- and can only aspire to be half as cool as she is. Cindy La Ferle is a freelance writer based in Royal Oak, MI, where she is Writer-in-Residence for the public library. Focusing on women's issues, she is author of an award-winning essay collection, Writing Home, which is available nationally in bookstores or on Amazon.com. Visit Cindy La Ferle's Home Office: www.laferle.com for her weekly blog and more information on her writings and workshops. How to Not Look Old Why Real Women Need Real Vacations |
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